I was asked to go on Good Morning Britain yesterday to be interviewed about SATs and how they impact children. Their survey had found that over 60% of children are having trouble sleeping in the run up to the SATs because they are so worried.
Unfortunately, we can’t take them away from this stress. So how can we support them so they are as stress free as possible?
Here are my top tips:
- Validate their feelings. As parents, we often try and make our children feel better by saying things like, “They are nothing to worry about, you will be fine”, “Don’t be silly, I know you will do the best you can” Or “SATs don’t mean anything, you’re good at other things.” While very well meaning, they ARE something to worry about for your child. From your their point of view, they mean a lot. They believe they are the most important thing they have done so far. It is very understandable that they are worried as they have been working so hard towards these tests for such a long time. Instead say something like, “It is understandable that you are worried and nervous. It is ok to have those feelings as it is your body’s way of keeping you going. You have worked hard and you are ready to show what you can do. I am proud of you.
- Teach them how to manage their nerves.
1. It is easier than you think to control the physical feeling of nervousness, stress and anxiety. Get your child to concentrate on how their body feels nervous. Pick the most nervous feeling, for example butterflies, and use all your power of concentration to really control those butterflies. Even imagine you are using a remote control if that helps. You can slow them down, shrink them, make them dissolve… whatever helps! Once they are feeling better, find the next nervous feeling. Repeat until they feel calm.
2. Use their breathing. Say this to them. “I’m going to ask you to take a slow breath in and count to 5. Ready? Breathe in- and as you do, feel the calm spreading all over your body. Down your shoulders, arms & into your hands. (Give examples of other body parts for each breath in) Now hold your breath for 1,2, 3 and slowly breathe out for as long as you can. As you do, you are blowing out all of your worries, all of the tension, all of the nerves. You’re noticing how relaxed you are becoming.” Repeat as many times as needed.
- Have something to look forward to and focus on AFTER the tests. Nervous and anxious feelings are actually quite similar to excited feelings. Plan something very exciting to look forward to when it is all over. Talk to them about how they feel when they are excited as well as when they are nervous, and discuss how they are similar. Then encourage your child to, ‘change those nervous feelings into excited feeling about….”
- Be patient and understand that their behaviour may be effected. I know, easier said than done! But use every ounce of self-control you have to stay calm. Tell them you don’t like their behaviour etc., but keep reminding yourself why they are behaving that way.
- Support them with friendship issues. When I used to teach Year 6, there would always be loads of arguments between friendship groups in the run up and during SATs; lots of tears, insecurities and fights. All of their emotions are running high, so it is bound to impact friendships. Listen to them, give positive suggestions of how they can make things better and explain why people may be acting differently.
- Keep day to day life as routined as possible. They are feeling scared, worried, and nervous. Their school day is completely different. They may also be coming to the realisation that they will be going to secondary school soon, and everything is going to change. If they are feeling insecure, make sure home is a very safe place for them, with nothing unexpected. Keep it as normal as possible so they have time to collect their thoughts, reflect on the day and prepare for the next day.
- Let them burn off some energy after school, or chill if they would prefer. Have fun after school. Let them unwind in whichever way is best for them.
- Help them to sleep well. We all know the importance of sleep. Here are some suggestions to help.
1. No sugar, caffeine or screens to close to bed time.
2. Discuss any worries well before bed, so they are not fresh in their mind.
3. Give them your time and do something calm and relaxing together before bed.
4. Get them to think of 4 good things that happened that day and tell you what they are looking forward to tomorrow.
5. Read while trying to get to sleep.
6. If they are struggling to sleep, get them to do the breathing exercises I mentioned earlier.
7. Another way to help you go to sleep is to simply pretend you are asleep! You will then drift off.
8. Worries often seem bigger at night. Last thing at night, plan their dreams with them. Ask questions like, “What are you going to dream about tonight? Who is in your dream? Where will you go? Etc etc.”
- Just be there for them. Keep your diary as free as possible and be around so you are there when they need you.
They may take it out on you, they may not be any different, they may be tearful, they may be naughty, they may be bubbly and fun. We don’t know how they will be, but if you know how to support them, you will be able to help if needed.
