My daughters came home last night very scared about everything they had heard in the playground about the Creepy Clowns. Whether you know them as Creepy Clowns, Killer Clowns or Scary Clowns, they are a hot topic of conversation at the moment. For the purpose of this blog, I will call them 'Creepy Clowns."
So, how can we make our children feel safe and calm when they are hearing all about this? We all know how things can be blown out of proportion in the playground. Just like the game Chinese Whispers, things escalate and so become more and more horrific. How do we deal with that fear? Unfortunately, reassurance does not do much in this situation as it just feeds the anxiety, as I discussed in my blog, ‘How to help my anxious child.’
As I have discussed before, the priority of our subconscious is to look after us. It is there to make sure we are safe, which is one of the reasons we become anxious and worry about things. Our subconscious is stopping us from getting into situations it thinks is dangerous. However, that subconscious is also constantly searching for evidence that the anxiety is correct, so we are right to be careful. Unfortunately, by having lengthy discussions, reassuring and cuddling our children, we are unwittingly confirming to their subconscious that there is something to be scared of.
What should we do?
(This is best in a relaxed, friendly, jokey conversation.)
1. First, you need to find out exactly what it is about the Creepy Clown that they are scared about. We will presume they are scared about certain things, but in actual fact, it may well be something completely different. Even though we know what we have read and heard about, it is likely that they will have heard completely different (and probably exaggerated) stories in the playground.
Ask them questions like:
- How do you imagine the clown to look? (ask questions about the features and clothes.)
- How big is it?
Remember, if you reassure them, it will only give their brains evidence that their fear is right as you are trying to make them feel better. Be as matter of fact as possible and, at this stage, try not to respond. Just ask them questions to get as much information as possible.
2. Once you have a clear idea about what they are scared of, start playing with their image of the Creepy Clown. Make if funny, ridiculous or silly. But be careful not to laugh (or appear to laugh) at your child or their fear. Make sure it is very clear that it is the clown you are making ridiculous. Change the sizes and colour of things, as well as swapping clothes and accessories for other silly items. Use the language they used as much as possible.
Ask them questions like: (Italic is where you substitute words you child used)
- You said the Creepy Clown was big. What if you made it small? Does that make it better or worse? Ok, you liked it better when it was smaller. Let’s make it even smaller.
- You said you imagined the Creepy Clown had a big knife. What if you swapped the knife for a floppy flower? Do you find that funny? Would you find it even funnier if you swapped it for a whoopie cushion?
- Now, you said the Creepy Clown had a painted white face. How about if we put some pretty fairy glitter on that face? How does it look now? What about if we added some false eyelashes and pretty, dangly earrings?
- You said the Creepy Clown was wearing trousers and had big feet. Let’s change those trousers so it is wearing a pink frilly mini skirt. Look! Can you see it’s knobbly, hairy knees poking out?!
- Continue as long as you feel is appropriate
3. By this time, the conversation is hopefully very funny and silly. You can have a real laugh about it and together make it as ridiculous as you possibly can. You now need to get to a point where you can get your child to imagine that ridiculous image every they hear the Creepy Clown mentioned.
(You may have noticed that I was mentioning the ‘Creepy Clown’ all the way through the conversation. This is making sure the child is attaching that ridiculous image to the name.)
Now you can say something like:
“So every time you hear anyone mentioning the ‘Creepy Clown’ you can imagine it with …………. (list all the ridiculousness you have just made up together.) You will know that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of and the ‘Creepy Clown’ is really a …………… (again, list all the ridiculousness you have just made up together as it will reinforce it)”
4. Finally, you need to ‘practise’ so that your child will react in a relaxed or even funny way when they hear ‘Creepy Clown.’ Continue making a joke of it. Mention it and encourage laughter and silliness. Associate it with that laughter. Each time you do that, it will become more of a natural reaction for your child.
I hope this has been useful. If you would like any other help, please contact me.
Please visit my website www.lucyfeynlp.co.uk for more information.
