Recently, I have been having lots of conversations with people about that age-old problem of allowing ourselves ‘time out.’ Why is it that the more commitments, pressures and responsibilities we have, the less we do for ourselves?
All too often, I hear, “There isn’t enough time… I feel guilty… There is too much to do… I don’t need it… I don’t deserve it… So & so needs me to do x, y or z… I should do this… I need to do that… If this doesn’t get done, then…”
We have all heard that it’s important to have a bit of breathing space, but why do we so often ignore it? Do we really understand the impact? I’m not sure; if we did, I believe we would readily give ourselves permission to pause. In fact, if we knew how stopping, even for 10 minutes a day, improves our productivity as well as the support we can give to others, we would make it a priority.
Those of you who know me, know that I love a good TEDTalk! Here are a few that explain why we need to stop filling our time with what we feel we should do, and instead spend some time strengthening ourselves so we can function fully.
For generations, we have neglected our psychological health. In his talk ‘Why we all need to practice emotional first aid’ the psychologist, Guy Winch said, “We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways.” By taking the time to look after our emotional health, things could be so different. “Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled? I can, because that's the world I want to live in... And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well -- that's the world we can all live in.”
The travel writer Pico Iyer advocates 'The art of stillness.' He talks about that all too common feeling when you take time for yourself“… a part of me still feels guilty to be leaving my poor wife behind and to be ignoring all those seemingly urgent emails from my bosses... But as soon as I get to a place of real quiet, I realize that it's only by going there that I'll have anything fresh or creative or joyful to share with my wife or bosses or friends. Otherwise, really, I'm just foisting on them my exhaustion or my distractedness, which is no blessing at all.”
Iyer also discusses that, despite having visited many of the most amazing places on earth, the times he has stopped; those times he has gone nowhere- just been still, those are the times that have had the most impact to his life. He closes his talk by saying, “So, in an age of acceleration, nothing can be more exhilarating than going slow. And in an age of distraction, nothing is so luxurious as paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is so urgent as sitting still. So, you can go on your next vacation to Paris or Hawaii, or New Orleans; I bet you'll have a wonderful time. But, if you want to come back home alive and full of fresh hope, in love with the world, I think you might want to try considering going nowhere.”
We need to make time to acknowledge our emotions and feelings, learn from them and agree to, “do away with the feelings I should be feeling.” so we become emotionally agile, resilient and honest enabling us to support others more “In seeing yourself, you are also able to see others.” The psychologist Susan David talks about the importance of emotional agility in, 'The gift of emotional courage.' She discusses how masking & ignoring our emotions negatively impacts us, and those around us. Emotion teaches us what we care about and what is important to us. However, we must remember that “we own our emotions, they don’t own us.” There is no benefit to dwelling on those emotions just as there is no benefit to ignoring them.
It’s simple. Change a few habits… make time to catch up with yourself. It doesn’t matter how. You do whatever feels right for you at the time. Then notice how that impacts all areas of your life.
