I have been a primary school teacher for 16 years and a mother for 9. I know full well how difficult it can be for children to separate from their parents at the beginning of a school day. As a parent, I know just how upsetting it is to have to leave them when they don’t want you to go, however, as a teacher I can assure you that 99% of the time they are fine within minutes. That doesn’t stop the worrying though! Here are a few suggestions of ways to make the transition easier for everyone involved.
For your child:
· It is incredibly important that they feel secure, especially if there are changes going on. This can be achieved by having the same routine every morning so your child gets used to what to expect.
· Try to leave plenty of time to get to school so you don’t have to rush, but don’t get there so early that they are hanging around getting nervous.
· On your way, you could tell them what you are doing all day so they can imagine it when they are at school. Maybe tell them that you will be thinking of them at certain times of the day or while you are doing certain activities.
· Get them involved as soon as you get to school. Join in a conversation with a group of friends, set them on an activity in class or ask the teacher to get them on a task.
· Make sure you say good bye, but keep it brief. Leave quickly and if you feel you want to stay to check how they are, ensure that you are out of sight.
· When you talk to your child about school, be positive and matter of fact. If there is any anxiety, bear in mind the suggestions in my blog 'How can I help my anxious child.'
· Continue with your usual behaviour boundaries at home. As children are likely to test boundaries even more when feeling insecure, it is tempting to make excuses and accept behaviour that you wouldn’t usually because they are tired. Of course, sometimes you have to adapt but if expectations at home are the same as usual, your child will feel secure and know what to expect.
· Tell them you love them. Often.
· Talk to your child’s teacher. Work together so the transition is easier and make sure it has a routine so makes your child feel secure as they will know what to expect. The teacher will also be able to tell you how they are after you have gone which may well put your mind at rest.
For you:
It is incredibly draining when your child is unhappy. Not only do they take it out on you, but you beat yourself up as you feel powerless to help. Be gentle on yourself. You are doing your best in an ever-changing situation, a situation where you are getting the brunt of everything as they know you are there for them.
· Before you get them up, or even when you are still in bed, do a few minutes of relaxation exercises so you are calm and ready to support them for the day ahead. There are many different exercises but here are a few quick ones to try.
1. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath. Breathe in through your nose and count slowly to 3. Then out through your nose, counting slowly to 6. If you have any feeling of anxiety or worry, blow that negative feeling away with every outward breath. Repeat until you feel calm.
2. Close your eyes and focus on any negative feeling you have. Whether it is a knot in your stomach, a ringing in your ears or a colour in your mind. Focus on it and imagine you are using a volume control that is turning down that anxiety. Slowly begin to unravel the knot, turn the ringing down or make the colour disappear. Continue until you are feeling calm.
3. Close your eyes and think of a place that makes you feel relaxed, calm and content. Imagine you are there: See everything, hear the sounds, smell the smells and feel everything around you. Enjoy the feeling until you are ready for the day.
· Be super-organised. Until they are settled, if possible try and do any jobs in the morning before you get them up. That way you don’t have the added pressure of having to get things done while potentially dealing with upset or playing up.
· Make sure you keep busy, especially immediately after you have left school. Get on with some work, have a coffee with a friend, take some exercise or do a job you have been meaning to do for ages.
· Often we get cross with ourselves for getting upset. We tell ourselves that we are being stupid or silly. You are not. Everyone would feel the same if they were in the same position. If you are upset, sit down where you can, take stock and do some of the relaxation exercises above.
It will get easier. If you need any support, please do not hesitate to get contact me. If you would like more information about NLP and how it can help, my website has lots of information about it.
